Power over Fear

When I was 10 years old, my parents took me to a night seminar on the evils of Rock n Roll. The presentation was mostly about demons, drugs, and death; aligning it with Rock using media, marketing and music played backwards. The driving beat of the drums, the screaming guitars, all language of the devil trying to seduce to the dark side.

I was an energetic, imaginative child. You can imagine what this did to my psyche.

Once home, I went immediately to bed, and when the lights turned off…it was on! I started to see things. Shapes would form in the middle of my cluttered floor. The Beatles were hiding under my bed, KISS and Meatloaf would show up in my closet. I froze. I was scared to the point of sickness. I was so petrified, that even though my bathroom was 10 feet from my bed, I not only vomited in my bed, but laid in it for the rest of the night.

Fear is an incredibly powerful emotion. Based primarily on the avoidance of pain, it affects an incredible portion of our lives. Imagine the choices that would be different if fear weren’t a factor.

Would that relationship have ended…or better yet….started? Would you have been so worried? Would money still be in that rising stock? Would you be independently self-sufficient? Would life feel fulfilled instead of left wanting? Would that pain feel so bad? Would we be fighting that war?

There are two types of fear. One based on understanding and respect, such as with fire, your father’s anger, or Al Franken in the Senate. The other is the emotional “fight or flight” response caused from a lack of knowing or a lack of control that hits when entering a dark room, your teenager not coming home on time, or talking to the cute stranger across the room.

It is not that the dark room, missing child, or possible rejection are not real issues. But it is how we deal with the issue that is important. We could let emotion take over and react irrationally, or get control to respond intentionally and strategically.

The War in Iraq is hated by those who view it as a response to fear, yet seen as ingenious by those who view it as strategic. The fearful Michal Moore’s of the world see fear, and run, emboldening fringe religious groups. The Bush’s saw opportunity and changed an ideological face-less war against US citizens to a land grab on non-US soil against professionals. The strategic response also gave opposition who previously had nothing to lose, consequences which make them think.

Everyone feels fear. Control over fear is a result of the assurance.and confidence that comes from knowledge or control. What alleviates that fear in the dark room? Light. The mother worrying all night? A phone call. Talking to that beautiful girl across the room? A comforting smile or an introduction from a friend.

Ever met a micro-manager, an over-protective parent, a jealous partner? They have immature behavioral responses to gaining assurance, they are afraid. Maturity comes from understanding and experience.

However, sometimes life doesn’t provide light, there is no phone call, or you are alone. Sometimes you’re thrown into unknown situations and forced to respond.

In my early days in Eastern Europe, I found a place to get corrective eye surgery at a fraction of the western cost. I mentioned it to a friend who agreed to do it with me. Although not knowing what to expect, we were emboldened to try. We knew there would be pain, but in the middle of the night, the healing pain felt like KILLING pain. I panicked. Lost my mind, thought my eye was destroyed. The pain got unbearable. I wanted to run, rip off the bandages and do……something! Then my friend shouted out from the next room, “Hey, did you feel that??”

There was something in the knowledge of shared experience that calmed me. The fact that he was going through the same thing, somehow assured me that this was normal. We both didn’t know exactly and had no experience, but doing it together, we were stronger, and with that strength came peace. So we both went back to sleep.

I think that’s why the Psalmist in need would sing: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…I fear no evil for You are with me, your rod and your staff …they comfort me.” He found something/someone to believe in, that would take him through the dark places. His faith, would alleviate his fear and help him continue his path.

So the question is…what important decisions are coming up? What are the decisions based on? Are you sacrificing relationships, opportunities, fulfillment simply to avoid the unknown? React strategically with assurance, instead of emotionally for avoidance. Abandon yourself to your faith and enjoy the peace that surpasses all understanding. It's better than sleeping in vomit.